SWORDS OF KIRFOIUAH!!!!111!one oneoneone oen
by Kevin James · in General Discussion · 03/22/2008 (6:29 am) · 53 replies
[sarcasm]
Okay guys. I've made 4 or 5 small games, and now I'm ready to make the MMORPG to defeat WOW and stick it to the man! It shall be called:
SWORDS OF KIRFOIUAH Pronouced: KIR-O-IUAH
It shall feature:
1.) A world 3 times larger than Morrowind and Diablo 2 combined. It will actually be round. Like the earth. I think.
2.) Twitched based combat totally impossible to do over the internet.
3.) 70+ classes to choose from including: Monk of the High Lord, Monk of the Slightly Lower Lord, Monk of some Guy, and Rogue.
4.) 300,000 kajillion different items to find, discover, and generally otherwise put into your inventory. Examples include: potion of healing, potion of mana and potion of the High Lord.
5.) 999,999 trahillion different kinds of monsters to kill, bash, maim, or generally make them feel like dying.
6.) NPC's that are so lifelike you will think they are lifelike. To accomplish this task, I will be researching ways to digitize humans into a computer program. Who needs Finite State Machines when you can have actual humans?
Ambitious? Yes.
Impossible? Yes.
Confident? Yes?
Monks of the High Lord? Yes.
Probably violating some law against enslaving humans into computer programs? Yes.
Do I have absolutely none of the skills required to create such a feat of game development? Yes.
That's why I need some community members to become my slaves and make the game for me. I will take all the credit and digitize you into some monkey NPC when you finish your job.
What do you think?
[/sarcasm]
Okay guys. I've made 4 or 5 small games, and now I'm ready to make the MMORPG to defeat WOW and stick it to the man! It shall be called:
SWORDS OF KIRFOIUAH Pronouced: KIR-O-IUAH
It shall feature:
1.) A world 3 times larger than Morrowind and Diablo 2 combined. It will actually be round. Like the earth. I think.
2.) Twitched based combat totally impossible to do over the internet.
3.) 70+ classes to choose from including: Monk of the High Lord, Monk of the Slightly Lower Lord, Monk of some Guy, and Rogue.
4.) 300,000 kajillion different items to find, discover, and generally otherwise put into your inventory. Examples include: potion of healing, potion of mana and potion of the High Lord.
5.) 999,999 trahillion different kinds of monsters to kill, bash, maim, or generally make them feel like dying.
6.) NPC's that are so lifelike you will think they are lifelike. To accomplish this task, I will be researching ways to digitize humans into a computer program. Who needs Finite State Machines when you can have actual humans?
Ambitious? Yes.
Impossible? Yes.
Confident? Yes?
Monks of the High Lord? Yes.
Probably violating some law against enslaving humans into computer programs? Yes.
Do I have absolutely none of the skills required to create such a feat of game development? Yes.
That's why I need some community members to become my slaves and make the game for me. I will take all the credit and digitize you into some monkey NPC when you finish your job.
What do you think?
[/sarcasm]
About the author
Computer security, digital forensics, and platform jumper enthusiast. shells.myw3b.net/~syreal/
#3
03/22/2008 (7:44 am)
Absolutely brilliant! I strongly suggest one of the items being a "infinitly deep pockets" that allow you to multiply your inventory space by a billion, to give the player room to hold all 300 000 items at once! 
#4
03/22/2008 (9:03 am)
You stole all my ideas! Its a race to implement them now... 
#5
Perhaps all the other posts about these first time game makers creating the next WoW got to him.
03/22/2008 (11:23 am)
Hmmm isn't it a little early for this type of post? i mean, it's not april 1st yet.Perhaps all the other posts about these first time game makers creating the next WoW got to him.
#6
Haha! I knew my charisma was great enough to draw in the developers like flys to honey! How my astounding charisma translated over the interwebs is beyond me, but in any case -- I'll be emailing everyone here what they need to do as far as coding goes. If you don't get the task done within 15 minutes of opening the package, your computer will explode and the package will digitize you into one of those weird websites that pop up when you accidently type a URL in wrong. [edit]It will do that before it explodes.[/edit]
Jondo,
I suggest we team up except that you will have no say in what happens with the project.
As for you, Ramen-sama, you'd best not open any emails entitled: "open me" or you may just find yourself. . .wishing you hadn't
[/idiocy]
I actually did write this originally just to mock all the similar posts that pop up here all the time, but I thought of a hilarious game idea in the process. I need a break from platformers in TGB; and a quirky, tongue-in-cheek RPG seems like just the cure.
03/22/2008 (2:32 pm)
[idiocy]Haha! I knew my charisma was great enough to draw in the developers like flys to honey! How my astounding charisma translated over the interwebs is beyond me, but in any case -- I'll be emailing everyone here what they need to do as far as coding goes. If you don't get the task done within 15 minutes of opening the package, your computer will explode and the package will digitize you into one of those weird websites that pop up when you accidently type a URL in wrong. [edit]It will do that before it explodes.[/edit]
Jondo,
I suggest we team up except that you will have no say in what happens with the project.
As for you, Ramen-sama, you'd best not open any emails entitled: "open me" or you may just find yourself. . .wishing you hadn't
[/idiocy]
I actually did write this originally just to mock all the similar posts that pop up here all the time, but I thought of a hilarious game idea in the process. I need a break from platformers in TGB; and a quirky, tongue-in-cheek RPG seems like just the cure.
#7
03/22/2008 (4:34 pm)
How are you going to develop such an Uber game while delivering packages for IPS? 
#8
btw you've had several weeks already, is the game ready yet?
04/22/2008 (7:42 am)
LOL best game idea ever Kevin, hope noone steals it!btw you've had several weeks already, is the game ready yet?
#10
You can get in on the RC by going here: www.kirfoiuah.com
Minimum System Requirements:
Procesoor: Inteel Core 32 RLY EXTREME 8.387 ghz clock speed -- ab.901ff front side mass transit
RAMM: 32 gigabytes DDRR 9000mhz clock speed, 9 shiny factor
Graphix Kard: mVidia "Monk of the High Lord" or equivalent chipset (2048 megabytes/hurtz -- 19.ah6 clock speed)
Motherbored: Just have something really good. T1 or T3 will suffice.
Operater System: Windows RG 4 (Real Good -- public edition 2.89 service pack 8*2^5 (please use order of operations -> Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally)
I apologize for the steep system requirements. They are needed because our next gen technology looks great -- but we're still working out some performance bugs.
Please note that our website will not load if you do not meet the minimum system requirements. It will be invisible like a ninja to all lesser computers.
04/22/2008 (1:16 pm)
Mr. Morgan, you clearly underestimate the powers of totalitarian game development methodology. All the above features in my original post are already implemented to perfection, and I have done absolutely no work. (Of course I will be taking total and unconditional credit for the great success.)You can get in on the RC by going here: www.kirfoiuah.com
Minimum System Requirements:
Procesoor: Inteel Core 32 RLY EXTREME 8.387 ghz clock speed -- ab.901ff front side mass transit
RAMM: 32 gigabytes DDRR 9000mhz clock speed, 9 shiny factor
Graphix Kard: mVidia "Monk of the High Lord" or equivalent chipset (2048 megabytes/hurtz -- 19.ah6 clock speed)
Motherbored: Just have something really good. T1 or T3 will suffice.
Operater System: Windows RG 4 (Real Good -- public edition 2.89 service pack 8*2^5 (please use order of operations -> Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally)
I apologize for the steep system requirements. They are needed because our next gen technology looks great -- but we're still working out some performance bugs.
Please note that our website will not load if you do not meet the minimum system requirements. It will be invisible like a ninja to all lesser computers.
#11
By the way, you forgot to present your team in the usual form:
BuNkh3ad/Koding
SiLLKsh1t Knight/3DGfx
Banjjii/Web
Sort of like that...
04/22/2008 (5:27 pm)
Talk about putting the massive in massive... Clearly a winner.By the way, you forgot to present your team in the usual form:
BuNkh3ad/Koding
SiLLKsh1t Knight/3DGfx
Banjjii/Web
Sort of like that...
#12
04/22/2008 (6:07 pm)
Truly an impressive game. I'd never before seen a urine stream rendered with fluid dynamics in real time in a game, instead of the usual animated PNGs. I can now understand the need for such a high end system! 
#13
04/25/2008 (10:09 am)
The urine physics definitely put the mass in massive, Ramen. I had to buy a PhysX card just to enable them. And they crashed it! Leik WTF! 
#14
04/25/2008 (11:40 am)
If I have a PhysX-SLI system, when can I expect a bowel patch? Also, will the game support Hobbit shaders out of the box? I really don't want to have to put another chip on my video card.
#16
04/25/2008 (3:13 pm)
Kevin, your Merchants in the game, will they be able to break a Trahillion bill? Sorry thats the smallest I got and I really want to pay the noob next to me for his Bottomless Backpack for a mere 1 billion Platinum.
#17
Do we have a deal?
04/25/2008 (5:45 pm)
I can break your Trahillion bill. But you have to trade me for a Robe of Semi-Medium Moderately Lesser Great MonkWizard High Lord.Do we have a deal?
#18
Maybe I could pay a noob to hunt it for me instead. lol
04/25/2008 (6:18 pm)
@Maxwell, erf.. think i'm SOL.. How many mobs do i Have to hunt before one of those Robes drop?Maybe I could pay a noob to hunt it for me instead. lol
#19
05/10/2008 (1:27 pm)
I love the way you animated the penis when you get a boner!
#20
Nathan,
Notice no one wants to say anything now. Are you happy?
07/28/2008 (8:41 am)
*3 months of awkwardness later*Nathan,
Notice no one wants to say anything now. Are you happy?
Torque 3D Owner Edward