Starting over?
by Jeff Johnston · 07/28/2009 (10:28 am) · 56 comments
As some of you may remember, my wife, Hannah, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in September of 2008. If you are interested, I have a website setup that I kept her progress journals and photos. www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahjohnston
She fought and beat the cancer three times. Each time the cancer came back harder and faster than the last. My beautiful, amazing Hannah passed away on June 25, 2009 from complications of being in the hospital and surgery. Hannah was 27 years old!
Hannah was my love. She was definitely my better half. She was such an amazing person. As beautiful as she was on the outside, her inner beauty was much greater. She loved me. She loved life. She loved to laugh. She loved my children. Hannah was the strongest person that I have ever met. She fought the cancer with everything she had. She never gave up. She never surrendered. She taught me what determination means.
Hannah was a very special person. We had a very special relationship. We understood each other. We fit together perfectly. Our plan was to work on games together from our home. Hannah was so excited about this. It was a dream for her. We started working on our game ideas. We created the design documents, we started modeling the environments and characters. We worked very well together. A real team. That got put on the back burner when Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. However, it never stopped us from talking about it and thinking about what the future was going to hold for us. We dreamed big. We dreamed bold. We dreamed together.
Now that Hannah is no longer here with me (although I believe she is still here in spirit and always in my mind, heart and soul) I have been struggling with what to do now. It has taken me this long, since June 25, to even be able to look at the game development sites I usually look at. It has taken me this long to think about writing a blog. But I think Hannah would want me to carry on with what we started together. I think she would want me to hold onto those dreams. She would want me to be strong and determined like she was and carry on her dreams and aspirations. It will be difficult... I miss her so! Everything I touch on the computer and the desk and the room and the house reminds me of her.
So... I am starting over... kinda! I am starting again from where we left off. I am picking up the pieces and am going to try and make games that Hannah would be proud to call her own, that she would be proud to be a part of. I hope I am up for the challenge. Hopefully she will guide my hand in this endeavor.
I miss my wife, my love, my Hannah. I miss her strength and determination. I miss her love. I miss her laugh. People keep telling me that time heals all things... I guess I need time. She will always be with me. She will always be a part of who I am.
Wish me luck...
Thank you for your time,
Jeff Johnston
She fought and beat the cancer three times. Each time the cancer came back harder and faster than the last. My beautiful, amazing Hannah passed away on June 25, 2009 from complications of being in the hospital and surgery. Hannah was 27 years old!
Hannah was my love. She was definitely my better half. She was such an amazing person. As beautiful as she was on the outside, her inner beauty was much greater. She loved me. She loved life. She loved to laugh. She loved my children. Hannah was the strongest person that I have ever met. She fought the cancer with everything she had. She never gave up. She never surrendered. She taught me what determination means.
Hannah was a very special person. We had a very special relationship. We understood each other. We fit together perfectly. Our plan was to work on games together from our home. Hannah was so excited about this. It was a dream for her. We started working on our game ideas. We created the design documents, we started modeling the environments and characters. We worked very well together. A real team. That got put on the back burner when Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. However, it never stopped us from talking about it and thinking about what the future was going to hold for us. We dreamed big. We dreamed bold. We dreamed together.
Now that Hannah is no longer here with me (although I believe she is still here in spirit and always in my mind, heart and soul) I have been struggling with what to do now. It has taken me this long, since June 25, to even be able to look at the game development sites I usually look at. It has taken me this long to think about writing a blog. But I think Hannah would want me to carry on with what we started together. I think she would want me to hold onto those dreams. She would want me to be strong and determined like she was and carry on her dreams and aspirations. It will be difficult... I miss her so! Everything I touch on the computer and the desk and the room and the house reminds me of her.
So... I am starting over... kinda! I am starting again from where we left off. I am picking up the pieces and am going to try and make games that Hannah would be proud to call her own, that she would be proud to be a part of. I hope I am up for the challenge. Hopefully she will guide my hand in this endeavor.
I miss my wife, my love, my Hannah. I miss her strength and determination. I miss her love. I miss her laugh. People keep telling me that time heals all things... I guess I need time. She will always be with me. She will always be a part of who I am.
Wish me luck...
Thank you for your time,
Jeff Johnston
About the author
#2
07/28/2009 (10:45 am)
Jeff, I think with the way that you are handling this incredibly awful situation, that you show others a huge strength of character, and that is very inspiring. Like Mich, I don't really have any words I can say, other than you have my utmost admiration. Please keep your dream alive, and if there is anything myself or GG can do, please let us know. You have my deepest sympathies on your loss. 
#3
07/28/2009 (10:47 am)
Agreeing with Ken. You have the full backing and support of GarageGames. Just thought it was worth repeating. 
#4
07/28/2009 (10:57 am)
I'm so sorry to hear about this. I had been following the blog and sending as many good thoughts as I could. 
#5
07/28/2009 (11:08 am)
Very sorry for your loss, mate. 
#6
I hope her 'souvenir' will help you accomplish all you want to do, and all she wanted to.
07/28/2009 (11:18 am)
Very sad news to hear.I hope her 'souvenir' will help you accomplish all you want to do, and all she wanted to.
#7
I work with my wife, in my house, on games. In this world, it is all too easy to take the most important things for granted. You have brought me to tears.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. There simply aren't words...
07/28/2009 (11:20 am)
Jeff, thank you for sharing something so personal and meaningful. I work with my wife, in my house, on games. In this world, it is all too easy to take the most important things for granted. You have brought me to tears.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. There simply aren't words...
#8
I fear no words I say can help with your pain at losing her at such a young
age.
Your determination to follow the dream you and Hannah shared is testiment
to the love you hold for her, whether you fail or succeed, I'm sure she will
be very proud of you.
My sincerest condolences,
Hewster.
07/28/2009 (11:43 am)
Jeff, I am truly moved to tears reading this blog.I fear no words I say can help with your pain at losing her at such a young
age.
Your determination to follow the dream you and Hannah shared is testiment
to the love you hold for her, whether you fail or succeed, I'm sure she will
be very proud of you.
My sincerest condolences,
Hewster.
#9
07/28/2009 (11:47 am)
She sounds like a very beautiful person who left more in her legacy than many people do with much longer lifetimes. Even though I never met her, I am touched by her through you. 
#10
Still, I agree with Hewster. He said it best.
"Your determination to follow the dream you and Hannah shared is testiment to the love you hold for her, whether you fail or succeed, I'm sure she will be very proud of you." - Hewster
Again, I don't know you, but hearing you say how much you are willing to go on for whatever the reason, makes me more proud to be a human being. This, which is only solidified by your reasons.
You don't need luck. You've already got so much more.
07/28/2009 (12:01 pm)
I wish you the best of the best man, now and forever. I never knew you or Hannah, but even the idea of what has happened moves me in ways I can't begin to understand.Still, I agree with Hewster. He said it best.
"Your determination to follow the dream you and Hannah shared is testiment to the love you hold for her, whether you fail or succeed, I'm sure she will be very proud of you." - Hewster
Again, I don't know you, but hearing you say how much you are willing to go on for whatever the reason, makes me more proud to be a human being. This, which is only solidified by your reasons.
You don't need luck. You've already got so much more.
#11
07/28/2009 (12:02 pm)
My deepest condolences Jeff. 
#12
You have my most heartfelt, sincerest thoughts on your loss. It's clear she was a solid fighter, and I'm sure there is some force out there who is now getting its butt kicked rotten by her for taking her from this world. The way you are handling this is just incredible. I'm very proud of you, and I am looking forward to playing the games that you make. I will always remember that when I play them, there is a bit of her in there as well, and I will remember your story.
In my thoughts,
-Dave Calabrese
07/28/2009 (12:25 pm)
Jeff,You have my most heartfelt, sincerest thoughts on your loss. It's clear she was a solid fighter, and I'm sure there is some force out there who is now getting its butt kicked rotten by her for taking her from this world. The way you are handling this is just incredible. I'm very proud of you, and I am looking forward to playing the games that you make. I will always remember that when I play them, there is a bit of her in there as well, and I will remember your story.
In my thoughts,
-Dave Calabrese
#13
Thank you for sharing this. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. You and your family will be in my prayers.
07/28/2009 (12:31 pm)
Jeff,Thank you for sharing this. Your wife sounds like a wonderful person. You and your family will be in my prayers.
#14
07/28/2009 (12:34 pm)
I am so sorry, Jeff. Even if I'd write this in my native language, I wouldn't be able to find the right words.. I am so sorry. 
#15
I'm so sorry.
07/28/2009 (12:41 pm)
My mother followed a similar path last year. I hope you find the aspects of your life and past to hold onto and cherish while you keep her and your dreams alive.I'm so sorry.
#16
07/28/2009 (1:07 pm)
Jeff, so sorry to hear. My condolences to you and the family. Remember that nothing can ever take her away from your heart and mind. 
#17
07/28/2009 (1:11 pm)
that the force be with you!!!
#18
07/28/2009 (1:46 pm)
Greatly sorry to hear this. Deepest condolences and best for you and your family. 
#19
Good lock with all your future endeavours and I am sure everyone here is 100% behind you.
07/28/2009 (2:03 pm)
Jeff: Nothing I can say can ever express how sorry I am for your loss. My family and I wish you all the best and send our deepest sympathies.Good lock with all your future endeavours and I am sure everyone here is 100% behind you.
Employee Michael Perry
ZombieShortbus
Coming back to game development after this event is inspirational, and hopefully puts things in perspective for a lot of people who struggle in the industry. Your passion for games is remarkable, and I hope I can help you in your future efforts.
Take care, Jeff. I look forward to your games.