Starting over?
by Jeff Johnston · 07/28/2009 (10:28 am) · 56 comments
As some of you may remember, my wife, Hannah, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in September of 2008. If you are interested, I have a website setup that I kept her progress journals and photos. www.caringbridge.org/visit/hannahjohnston
She fought and beat the cancer three times. Each time the cancer came back harder and faster than the last. My beautiful, amazing Hannah passed away on June 25, 2009 from complications of being in the hospital and surgery. Hannah was 27 years old!
Hannah was my love. She was definitely my better half. She was such an amazing person. As beautiful as she was on the outside, her inner beauty was much greater. She loved me. She loved life. She loved to laugh. She loved my children. Hannah was the strongest person that I have ever met. She fought the cancer with everything she had. She never gave up. She never surrendered. She taught me what determination means.
Hannah was a very special person. We had a very special relationship. We understood each other. We fit together perfectly. Our plan was to work on games together from our home. Hannah was so excited about this. It was a dream for her. We started working on our game ideas. We created the design documents, we started modeling the environments and characters. We worked very well together. A real team. That got put on the back burner when Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. However, it never stopped us from talking about it and thinking about what the future was going to hold for us. We dreamed big. We dreamed bold. We dreamed together.
Now that Hannah is no longer here with me (although I believe she is still here in spirit and always in my mind, heart and soul) I have been struggling with what to do now. It has taken me this long, since June 25, to even be able to look at the game development sites I usually look at. It has taken me this long to think about writing a blog. But I think Hannah would want me to carry on with what we started together. I think she would want me to hold onto those dreams. She would want me to be strong and determined like she was and carry on her dreams and aspirations. It will be difficult... I miss her so! Everything I touch on the computer and the desk and the room and the house reminds me of her.
So... I am starting over... kinda! I am starting again from where we left off. I am picking up the pieces and am going to try and make games that Hannah would be proud to call her own, that she would be proud to be a part of. I hope I am up for the challenge. Hopefully she will guide my hand in this endeavor.
I miss my wife, my love, my Hannah. I miss her strength and determination. I miss her love. I miss her laugh. People keep telling me that time heals all things... I guess I need time. She will always be with me. She will always be a part of who I am.
Wish me luck...
Thank you for your time,
Jeff Johnston
She fought and beat the cancer three times. Each time the cancer came back harder and faster than the last. My beautiful, amazing Hannah passed away on June 25, 2009 from complications of being in the hospital and surgery. Hannah was 27 years old!
Hannah was my love. She was definitely my better half. She was such an amazing person. As beautiful as she was on the outside, her inner beauty was much greater. She loved me. She loved life. She loved to laugh. She loved my children. Hannah was the strongest person that I have ever met. She fought the cancer with everything she had. She never gave up. She never surrendered. She taught me what determination means.
Hannah was a very special person. We had a very special relationship. We understood each other. We fit together perfectly. Our plan was to work on games together from our home. Hannah was so excited about this. It was a dream for her. We started working on our game ideas. We created the design documents, we started modeling the environments and characters. We worked very well together. A real team. That got put on the back burner when Hannah was diagnosed with cancer. However, it never stopped us from talking about it and thinking about what the future was going to hold for us. We dreamed big. We dreamed bold. We dreamed together.
Now that Hannah is no longer here with me (although I believe she is still here in spirit and always in my mind, heart and soul) I have been struggling with what to do now. It has taken me this long, since June 25, to even be able to look at the game development sites I usually look at. It has taken me this long to think about writing a blog. But I think Hannah would want me to carry on with what we started together. I think she would want me to hold onto those dreams. She would want me to be strong and determined like she was and carry on her dreams and aspirations. It will be difficult... I miss her so! Everything I touch on the computer and the desk and the room and the house reminds me of her.
So... I am starting over... kinda! I am starting again from where we left off. I am picking up the pieces and am going to try and make games that Hannah would be proud to call her own, that she would be proud to be a part of. I hope I am up for the challenge. Hopefully she will guide my hand in this endeavor.
I miss my wife, my love, my Hannah. I miss her strength and determination. I miss her love. I miss her laugh. People keep telling me that time heals all things... I guess I need time. She will always be with me. She will always be a part of who I am.
Wish me luck...
Thank you for your time,
Jeff Johnston
About the author
#23
But maybe now you can take one of those designs you both worked hard and you both loved and you can work on it, finish it and dedicate it to her. I guess it may be your own personal way to honor her memory.
I'm just a programmer but if there is any component on my game you think may help you completing your dream just ask for it.
Luck!
Guimo
07/28/2009 (2:26 pm)
I'm really sorry Jeff. We never really appreciate how lucky we are having our family around.But maybe now you can take one of those designs you both worked hard and you both loved and you can work on it, finish it and dedicate it to her. I guess it may be your own personal way to honor her memory.
I'm just a programmer but if there is any component on my game you think may help you completing your dream just ask for it.
Luck!
Guimo
#24
07/28/2009 (2:30 pm)
It's the values, love, and determination that take us through life. Can't wait to see you shine. GL and keep it strong. 
#25
07/28/2009 (2:35 pm)
Sorry to hear that, I read your last blog about her condition, very sad indeed. 
#27
07/28/2009 (3:09 pm)
Stay strong Jeff. I'll donate some things to your project once you start blogging it...a little incentive, ya know. ;) 
#28
I wish there was more I could say than just 'I'm sorry'.
I cannot begin to imagine your loss. I hope in some small way I may be able to help you keep Hannah's dream alive.
I may be speaking out of turn, but I feel safe in saying that you have the full support of the entire GarageGames community to help you with your projects. Though I'm just a hobbyist, I will give whatever assistance I can.
Good luck to you in all your endeavors, and please feel free to ask for any help you need.
We're here for you.
~Tony
07/28/2009 (3:19 pm)
Jeff,I wish there was more I could say than just 'I'm sorry'.
I cannot begin to imagine your loss. I hope in some small way I may be able to help you keep Hannah's dream alive.
I may be speaking out of turn, but I feel safe in saying that you have the full support of the entire GarageGames community to help you with your projects. Though I'm just a hobbyist, I will give whatever assistance I can.
Good luck to you in all your endeavors, and please feel free to ask for any help you need.
We're here for you.
~Tony
#29
The love of you both will change many lives.
07/28/2009 (4:23 pm)
Go for it Jeff, go for it and never doubt! Make games, tell stories about strenght and determination, about love and creativity. About victory even in death.The love of you both will change many lives.
#30
07/28/2009 (5:24 pm)
Jeff, really sorry to hear about your wife. Having a similar relationship with my own wife, I can understand how deeply this must affect you. Words of a stranger probably are never enough in a situation such as this. But I admire your courage to go on with what the two of you started together. If there's anything I could do to help, do let me know. 
#31
I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. I'm sure that Hannah will continue to guide your hand. And the GarageGames community has your back as well.
Good luck brother.
07/28/2009 (5:25 pm)
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Jeff. I haven't yet lost anybody that is so close to me so I can't say that I know what you're going through, but I can imagine that it must be very tough indeed.I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors. I'm sure that Hannah will continue to guide your hand. And the GarageGames community has your back as well.
Good luck brother.
#32
Thank you... all of you.
07/28/2009 (6:03 pm)
Thank you all for the amazing support. It means more to me than you can imagine. I will make our games. I know Hannah will be proud. She loved me even through my mistakes. She loved me for who I am. She was an extraordinary woman. I will continue to blog with progress.Thank you... all of you.
#33
~LK~
07/28/2009 (7:01 pm)
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I have lost people close to me, so if there's anything I can do, please feel free to contact me, and I truly mean that.~LK~
#34
07/28/2009 (7:33 pm)
My condolences, Jeff. It's hard to even imagine going through this. I wish you the best as you push forward. 
#35
07/28/2009 (8:23 pm)
What a difficult loss. It sounds like you both handled it with incredible grace and composure though. Very inspiring. You've clearly got a lot of support here and I hope this is a chance for you to begin again. You've got my best wishes. 
#36
07/28/2009 (11:42 pm)
Very sorry to hear that, jeff, i don't know how to express my feeling well, so 节哀~
#37
07/29/2009 (12:38 am)
a Gaurdian Angel to watch over us when we get lost in the code, 
#38
07/29/2009 (12:46 am)
Like most here, your story touched me deeply, I can't find the words to express how sorry I am for your loss. She will be remembered by us all. 
#39
I think creating a game in her memory would be a wonderful sentiment, especially if it was one of the games you'd talked about and designed together, although I can imagine that would be hard to work on given your memories. If you need help or support with the coding side then please let us know, I'm sure the community would rally round to help you realize this project.
Best Wishes - Andy
07/29/2009 (1:05 am)
There are a thousand ways I could find to say I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your wife but not a single one could do enough justice to her memory. I never met or spoke with Hannah, didn't know a single thing about her but yet I read your words on how strong she was, never surrendering and her determination and I find that it lifts me into wanting to make sure I stay determined to accomplish things and it's through things like this her spirit will live on.I think creating a game in her memory would be a wonderful sentiment, especially if it was one of the games you'd talked about and designed together, although I can imagine that would be hard to work on given your memories. If you need help or support with the coding side then please let us know, I'm sure the community would rally round to help you realize this project.
Best Wishes - Andy
#40
Deepest Condolences and Best Wishes
07/29/2009 (2:59 am)
It has taken me some time to think of what so say. I do not know what i would do if I ever experienced the same. Your touching story has moved me to tears. May god watch over you and your family, and most of all, may she finally find peace where ever she is. I'm sure she is very proud of you now, and hopes you will move on.Deepest Condolences and Best Wishes
Torque Owner Sean Neville
You have my deepest condolences but also my admiration for pressing onward now to do what you love, and what would make Hannah proud. I look forward to your games!
-Sean