TGB If statements ignored, content executed.(Solved)

Okay I'm running into an issue here where TGB seems to completely ignore my if statements.

It's just some very basic movement code:

function sprite::onLevelLoaded(%this, %scenegraph)
{
$player = %this;
moveMap.bindCmd(keyboard, "left", "moveLeft();", "moveLeftStop();");
moveMap.bindCmd(keyboard, "right", "moveRight();", "moveRightStop();");
%this.enableUpdateCallback();
SetMovementVariables
();
applyMovement();
}

function SetMovementVariables
()
{
$slow = 20;
$mid = 30;
$fast = 60;
$ultra = 200;
}

function moveLeft()
{
$MoveNow = "Left";
}

function moveLeftStop()
{
if($MoveNow == "Left")
{
$MoveNow = "Stop";
}
}

function moveRight()
{
$MoveNow = "Right";
}

function moveRightStop()
{
if($MoveNow == "Right")
{
$MoveNow = "Stop";
}

}

function applyMovement()
{
//echo("SCHEDULER ACTIVE");
if($MoveNow == "Left"){
sprite.setLinearVelocityX(-$slow);
error("MOVING LEFT");
}

if($MoveNow == "Right"){
sprite.setLinearVelocityX($slow);
error("MOVING RIGHT");
}



if($MoveNow == "Stop"){
sprite.setLinearVelocityX(0);
error("MOVEMENT STOPPED");
}



schedule(10, 0, "applyMovement");
}

Sounds like it should be working, right? Well this is what it produces in the console(with NO button pressed):

MOVING LEFT
MOVING RIGHT
MOVEMENT STOPPED
MOVING LEFT
MOVING RIGHT
MOVEMENT STOPPED
MOVING LEFT
MOVING RIGHT
MOVEMENT STOPPED
...
(and so on)

Am I going insane or am I missing something. I can't think of what may be going wrong unless I completely misunderstand how TGB handles if statements. What baffles me is the fact that all this starts happening with no button pressed.