Story help
by Jeffrey Rodriguez · in Game Design and Creative Issues · 08/30/2004 (7:03 pm) · 13 replies
Can someone please help me make this story good.
-----------------
It is the last week of combat against the alien species before regular army troops are being sent, homes are being evacted, and the battlefield is getting nuked. Though some believe this is not such a good idea for surrounding countries might see this as an act of war and protests have appeared that if they do nuke, there be more casualties then wanted.
There are two generals of the army (one for the regular army and another for CFAC), the general of the army assures that the aliens are easy to take out without the CFAC. As of this the president accepts that and the general of the armies army gets almost wiped.At the event of this, you, the CAFC (Complete Foreign Association Corps), founded in 2006 because the president believed their was a need after the war, who gets sent in to counter-attack the aliens.
The CFAC is like an army within an army, where elites coming from other points of the defensive system
The species is called (pending the artists creativity). They are from a different solar system. They are highly advanced yet they are bringing simple minded warriors. We know this because the ability to reach our planet and space crafts. We have yet to figure out why. Other nations feel as if this is the Americans problem, the Islamic people feel as if this is as divine retribution.
-----------------
It is the last week of combat against the alien species before regular army troops are being sent, homes are being evacted, and the battlefield is getting nuked. Though some believe this is not such a good idea for surrounding countries might see this as an act of war and protests have appeared that if they do nuke, there be more casualties then wanted.
There are two generals of the army (one for the regular army and another for CFAC), the general of the army assures that the aliens are easy to take out without the CFAC. As of this the president accepts that and the general of the armies army gets almost wiped.At the event of this, you, the CAFC (Complete Foreign Association Corps), founded in 2006 because the president believed their was a need after the war, who gets sent in to counter-attack the aliens.
The CFAC is like an army within an army, where elites coming from other points of the defensive system
The species is called (pending the artists creativity). They are from a different solar system. They are highly advanced yet they are bringing simple minded warriors. We know this because the ability to reach our planet and space crafts. We have yet to figure out why. Other nations feel as if this is the Americans problem, the Islamic people feel as if this is as divine retribution.
About the author
#2
Maybe a good next step is to simplify the story to only the points necessary to help people realize the implications of the events and what would happen because of the situtation.
So yeah, first, simplify and explain the implications. Then expand with details and events, and expand futher if you need.
08/30/2004 (8:50 pm)
It seems to me as if this is lacking somewhat in coherence. You give a lot of story facts and events, but it's hard for me to connect them, and thus realise their implications.Maybe a good next step is to simplify the story to only the points necessary to help people realize the implications of the events and what would happen because of the situtation.
So yeah, first, simplify and explain the implications. Then expand with details and events, and expand futher if you need.
#3
After months of raging battle, with limited help from allies and a war confined to US borders and seen by outside countries as a domestic problem, perhaps brought on as divine retribution, the President consults the National Security Council and forms a new branch of military power, dubbed the Complete Foreign Associations Corps (CFAC). The CFAC is a wholly independant military branch, under direct control of the Secretary of Defense and Commander in Chief, composed of elite military units from all over the world.
The enemy is known. There is a final chance at freedom before forever scarring the earth with nuclear bombs. The nation, and perhaps the world, is counting on you.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
08/30/2004 (9:33 pm)
In the not-so distant future, first contact will be made -- and thousands of innocent lives will be taken. Our own American soil becomes saturated with the blood of our own kind, shed by a ruthless alien species whose motives for attack remain a mystery; whose technology surpasses our own by exponential leaps and bounds, and yet whose bloodthirsty troops spread unyieldingly through our land. The country is in chaos; the countryside is marred with bombs; cities turn into graveyards, as empty office buildings loom like towering gravestones. A desperate president is considering nuclear weapons, aimed at his own country, but citizens protest -- the losses will be too great, and the success of such tactics is risky, at best.After months of raging battle, with limited help from allies and a war confined to US borders and seen by outside countries as a domestic problem, perhaps brought on as divine retribution, the President consults the National Security Council and forms a new branch of military power, dubbed the Complete Foreign Associations Corps (CFAC). The CFAC is a wholly independant military branch, under direct control of the Secretary of Defense and Commander in Chief, composed of elite military units from all over the world.
The enemy is known. There is a final chance at freedom before forever scarring the earth with nuclear bombs. The nation, and perhaps the world, is counting on you.
ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
#4
08/31/2004 (7:04 am)
Omg um........can i use that :)? Thanks all. 
#5
Bring 'em on.
08/31/2004 (7:32 am)
You are a lone soldier whose regiment was attacked by the invading forces. Somehow, when the blood mist and smoke cleared, you were unhurt after the crash-landing. Your regiment, however, lay in scattered pieces near the craft. Now it is up to you to fight the oncoming hoard of spider-apes from space. You pull the severed hand from a nearby rifle and stand at ready. The hand twitches where you dropped it.Bring 'em on.
#6
Damn, that is just pure poetry. Beautiful.
Sure, but you might want to expunge the "ALL YOUR BASE" line from it first :)
The reason I "donated" some time to write this was because I think there's an interesting opportunity with the whole "war being limited to US borders" angle, especially with other countries seeing the alien attack as "divine retribution" for real and actual US committed atrocities against other nations (for example, sanctions against Iraq in the 90's that lead to the deaths of over a half-million babies for lack of incoming medical supplies, which is well documented... and the list could go on and on). There's a political allegory in there somewhere where the aliens represent terrorists but I think you'd be best to treat it lightly, not ham-fisted. There's also opportunities for having an anti-nuclear message.
Having the aliens attack only the US is your innovative angle, what sets your game apart from every other alien attack/military game. And of course the question remains: why only the US? The player will discover that reason towards the end (or perhaps the very end) of the game, and it should be a surprise/shocker.
I'd also be careful to say something more along the lines of "Islamic dissidents" rather than the more broad "Islamic people" (or not use the word Islam at all) or it could backfire and be seen as bigotry. Afterall, there's plenty of US soldiers who are Islamic, whereas "Islamic dissidents" is more indicative of hard-core extremists (just like saying "Christian" doesn't make you an abortion-doctor-sniping wacko, but "Christian extremist" probably does).
As final advice, when setting up a story that draws your audience in, be sure to, as much as possible, SHOW and not just TELL. Involve them in the story and do whatever you can to set appropriate mood and atmosphere. You can't say "you are afraid for your life," you have to make the player actually FEEL afraid for their life -- and good artwork, sound, and gameplay are the bridge that takes them there.
Good luck.
08/31/2004 (8:32 am)
Quote:The hand twitches where you dropped it.
Damn, that is just pure poetry. Beautiful.
Quote:Omg um........can i use that?
Sure, but you might want to expunge the "ALL YOUR BASE" line from it first :)
The reason I "donated" some time to write this was because I think there's an interesting opportunity with the whole "war being limited to US borders" angle, especially with other countries seeing the alien attack as "divine retribution" for real and actual US committed atrocities against other nations (for example, sanctions against Iraq in the 90's that lead to the deaths of over a half-million babies for lack of incoming medical supplies, which is well documented... and the list could go on and on). There's a political allegory in there somewhere where the aliens represent terrorists but I think you'd be best to treat it lightly, not ham-fisted. There's also opportunities for having an anti-nuclear message.
Having the aliens attack only the US is your innovative angle, what sets your game apart from every other alien attack/military game. And of course the question remains: why only the US? The player will discover that reason towards the end (or perhaps the very end) of the game, and it should be a surprise/shocker.
I'd also be careful to say something more along the lines of "Islamic dissidents" rather than the more broad "Islamic people" (or not use the word Islam at all) or it could backfire and be seen as bigotry. Afterall, there's plenty of US soldiers who are Islamic, whereas "Islamic dissidents" is more indicative of hard-core extremists (just like saying "Christian" doesn't make you an abortion-doctor-sniping wacko, but "Christian extremist" probably does).
As final advice, when setting up a story that draws your audience in, be sure to, as much as possible, SHOW and not just TELL. Involve them in the story and do whatever you can to set appropriate mood and atmosphere. You can't say "you are afraid for your life," you have to make the player actually FEEL afraid for their life -- and good artwork, sound, and gameplay are the bridge that takes them there.
Good luck.
#7
Thaks guys what do u think? ^
08/31/2004 (11:53 am)
Hmmmmmmmm....Well the whole doc process was made to gear toward a rts/fps yet now that Ive seen your guys input i might just change it into a fps whereas later on the game u can meet up with other "lone soilders" and become a team unclocking new vehicles ala halo jeep (no relavence :). And a tactical squad based tatic or dou think it should be just lone fps?Thaks guys what do u think? ^
#8
The biggest mistake new projects make is trying to make a project bigger than they can handle; inevitably, the project fails and never gets made. I'd rather finish a completed game that's scaled back some than have a half-completed hugely ambitious project. Remember this -- if the first game is successful, you can always make a sequel, and make the sequel with everything you had originally wanted.
If you're limited on budget/resources you might want to check out Game Beavers, they're going to have tons of stuff for typical military genres that you can just drag and drop right into your game (well not literally, but you know).
08/31/2004 (12:08 pm)
I saw from your profile that this is your first project. That being the case, I'd recommend the KISS strategy -- Keep It Simple, Stupid. Even with the upcoming RTS pack it would be a far more challenging game to create, whereas with a purely FPS you wouldn't have to touch a line of C++ code and could just mod the existing FPS starter scripts. The biggest mistake new projects make is trying to make a project bigger than they can handle; inevitably, the project fails and never gets made. I'd rather finish a completed game that's scaled back some than have a half-completed hugely ambitious project. Remember this -- if the first game is successful, you can always make a sequel, and make the sequel with everything you had originally wanted.
If you're limited on budget/resources you might want to check out Game Beavers, they're going to have tons of stuff for typical military genres that you can just drag and drop right into your game (well not literally, but you know).
#9
08/31/2004 (12:10 pm)
So do this project fps style right? as mefirst
#10
09/03/2004 (9:59 am)
I like to think of myself as an amateur writer but the other stories probably top what I could think of. I well delve deeper into the game to the underlying storyline. You should probably go into the aliens base trying to destroy them find plans for a secret weapon thats going to blow up everybody. Maybe become more powerful due to alien technology (that would make destroying all the aliens seem a little more realistic. So with minimal allies you find the aliens secret weapon and blow them up with it haha.
#11
One could drive this story towards a conspiracy theory where the aliens have a good reason to attack the US due to facts that were hidden from the american people. But the protagonist finds out, and wishes he wouldn't have ...
09/03/2004 (10:17 am)
Very nice, Joshua.One could drive this story towards a conspiracy theory where the aliens have a good reason to attack the US due to facts that were hidden from the american people. But the protagonist finds out, and wishes he wouldn't have ...
#12
I can allready see the connection to Area 51, hidden alien technologies and heinous experiments that helped lead to such violent retribution.
~HAve rocket launcher, will travel. =)
09/03/2004 (11:34 am)
Oh yeah...I can allready see the connection to Area 51, hidden alien technologies and heinous experiments that helped lead to such violent retribution.
~HAve rocket launcher, will travel. =)
#13
He reaches the alien's headquarters and kicks the living crap out of everyone til he reaches the leader. He beats down the alien til he's an inch from his life. He demands to know the reason they attacked. The leader points to a computer screen that shows text on it. You walk to the computer screen and think "They use a Mac? Windows is better!" You read the text and it's an instant message window. You read the names MaStErZiNbLaH30 and Up Urs88. The latter name has typed multiple insults and the first threatens a merciless death on his/her country. The leader of the alien race then coughs out a bit of English saying "Damn Earthlings... insult my son will they..." And he dies. You think to yourself, "All this over some stupid kid?" You leave the ship and the land around you is completely destroyed. The nukes were dropped while you were in the ship(therefore the nukes wouldn't have worked very well) and there is no sign of life. You let out a sigh and jsut start walking, hoping there is something left.
That's just some comedy. I could do an actual serious story, drop me an e-mail if you'd like to see what I can do.
Edit: I forgot to check my spelling, Hope I got it all. Heh.
09/14/2004 (3:09 pm)
I write stories all the time(haven't done an actual project yet though), and I thrive on twists and surprises in my stories. I'll give you a little bit of something that could be used and make a character probably think "What the ****?" I'll actually give you a few ideas that are quite possible to use. One is just soemthing funny that came into my head, I'll explain that one first. Theese are more like endings, I could write complete stories for these, but I'd rather not right now. You could have your character and team(if you choose to have that happen) go through the game doing whatever. He reaches the alien's headquarters and kicks the living crap out of everyone til he reaches the leader. He beats down the alien til he's an inch from his life. He demands to know the reason they attacked. The leader points to a computer screen that shows text on it. You walk to the computer screen and think "They use a Mac? Windows is better!" You read the text and it's an instant message window. You read the names MaStErZiNbLaH30 and Up Urs88. The latter name has typed multiple insults and the first threatens a merciless death on his/her country. The leader of the alien race then coughs out a bit of English saying "Damn Earthlings... insult my son will they..." And he dies. You think to yourself, "All this over some stupid kid?" You leave the ship and the land around you is completely destroyed. The nukes were dropped while you were in the ship(therefore the nukes wouldn't have worked very well) and there is no sign of life. You let out a sigh and jsut start walking, hoping there is something left.
That's just some comedy. I could do an actual serious story, drop me an e-mail if you'd like to see what I can do.
Edit: I forgot to check my spelling, Hope I got it all. Heh.
dakz0rz