Farewell, Ashtara
by Dave Young · 11/14/2009 (12:46 am) · 23 comments
Tonight while children were playing I slid into my desk chair to catch up on emails and such. I keep the mydreamrpg IRC running in one monitor, always, and something caught my eye.
Ashtara's husband Brad had logged into the IRC to let us know that she passed away on 10/23/2009 in her sleep. Though we knew her as Ash/Ashtara/Ashley Kelley, her real name is Gerri Kelley.
I blinked and then went downstairs to my happy family while it sunk in like a ton of bricks. I cried then.
We still run the mydreamrpg IRC because we're a small tight-knit group of friends left over from the MMOKIT days. We fight like cats and dogs sometimes and we use lots of different engines now, but the friendship part is real. Up until about a month ago, Ash had been on IRC pretty much every day for the last several years. I knew she has been busy with her new job lately, so didn't think much of it. So it makes sense that Brad would remember to let us know there, and I'm grateful he did.
Ash was a dear friend to all of us, and she is missed greatly. She has been my partner in crime in various Indie ventures for a few years now.
She's a gal who got her knuckles bloody battling things like Milkshape and 3D World Studio and the art pipeline to claw out some knowledge of how to make 3D art for her dream game. She shared her knowledge with newbs all the time, and did several video tutorials. Ash often worked with me on contract projects, as she has spectacular technical modelling knowledge. We could always be honest with each other no matter how rough the news, and praise was shared freely.
She was kind of like having a guild mate.. but in real life. I suppose the proper term is... friend. We had lots of adventures together in the Indie game dev world. We did the MMOKIT thing and she had great dreams of making Zarina, her own vision for an MMORPG. She churned out buildings and characters, learning each thing she needed to know along the way. On the PR side of things, I often was afraid of what she would post because I used to be a maniac for grammar, message, etc., but she had a natural charm and just spoke her mind freely and it always worked out. She took on the Combat Starter Kit project as a labor of love, and though she was heartbroken about some of the response to it, she persevered. Ash had dreams like the rest of us and worked every day towards them. She never quit. She didn't have the coding or art skills that some do, but she had an unbelievable commitment level and a drive that is legendary. It was pure pain for her to get to the finish line with Combat Starter Kit but she did it. Even after it didn't get received like she hoped, she continued on and put the pieces together so she could finally have a little game of her own out there: Rumors of War. She worked her butt off on it. Off the gaming scene, she was there for her friends and family when they needed her most, and that was quite often. Ash's was not a life of charm and glamour but you wouldn't know it talking to her. She would lift you up and slap you around and you'd be able to focus again.
I for one will miss her terribly. She was a stalwart friend and stood in the breach time and time again as we faced difficulties and adversity. Her grace and poise during those storms has always served as an example to me as we tried to always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Ash finally found it!
I know where she is now and I'm very grateful for it. I also know I'll see her there someday too, and that fills my heart with joy and peace.
"Dance long on the turrets of the castles in Zarina, Ashtara. Listen to the gentle flapping of the pennants in the warn winds. Look out over the green lands and dream."
Farewell, Ashtara
Ashtara's husband Brad had logged into the IRC to let us know that she passed away on 10/23/2009 in her sleep. Though we knew her as Ash/Ashtara/Ashley Kelley, her real name is Gerri Kelley.
I blinked and then went downstairs to my happy family while it sunk in like a ton of bricks. I cried then.
We still run the mydreamrpg IRC because we're a small tight-knit group of friends left over from the MMOKIT days. We fight like cats and dogs sometimes and we use lots of different engines now, but the friendship part is real. Up until about a month ago, Ash had been on IRC pretty much every day for the last several years. I knew she has been busy with her new job lately, so didn't think much of it. So it makes sense that Brad would remember to let us know there, and I'm grateful he did.
Ash was a dear friend to all of us, and she is missed greatly. She has been my partner in crime in various Indie ventures for a few years now.
She's a gal who got her knuckles bloody battling things like Milkshape and 3D World Studio and the art pipeline to claw out some knowledge of how to make 3D art for her dream game. She shared her knowledge with newbs all the time, and did several video tutorials. Ash often worked with me on contract projects, as she has spectacular technical modelling knowledge. We could always be honest with each other no matter how rough the news, and praise was shared freely.
She was kind of like having a guild mate.. but in real life. I suppose the proper term is... friend. We had lots of adventures together in the Indie game dev world. We did the MMOKIT thing and she had great dreams of making Zarina, her own vision for an MMORPG. She churned out buildings and characters, learning each thing she needed to know along the way. On the PR side of things, I often was afraid of what she would post because I used to be a maniac for grammar, message, etc., but she had a natural charm and just spoke her mind freely and it always worked out. She took on the Combat Starter Kit project as a labor of love, and though she was heartbroken about some of the response to it, she persevered. Ash had dreams like the rest of us and worked every day towards them. She never quit. She didn't have the coding or art skills that some do, but she had an unbelievable commitment level and a drive that is legendary. It was pure pain for her to get to the finish line with Combat Starter Kit but she did it. Even after it didn't get received like she hoped, she continued on and put the pieces together so she could finally have a little game of her own out there: Rumors of War. She worked her butt off on it. Off the gaming scene, she was there for her friends and family when they needed her most, and that was quite often. Ash's was not a life of charm and glamour but you wouldn't know it talking to her. She would lift you up and slap you around and you'd be able to focus again.
I for one will miss her terribly. She was a stalwart friend and stood in the breach time and time again as we faced difficulties and adversity. Her grace and poise during those storms has always served as an example to me as we tried to always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. Ash finally found it!
I know where she is now and I'm very grateful for it. I also know I'll see her there someday too, and that fills my heart with joy and peace.
"Dance long on the turrets of the castles in Zarina, Ashtara. Listen to the gentle flapping of the pennants in the warn winds. Look out over the green lands and dream."
Farewell, Ashtara
About the author
#2
11/14/2009 (5:04 am)
Condoleances to her family and friends. 
#3
11/14/2009 (7:05 am)
Wow, I am so sad to hear that. From my time on the dreamkit forums, I remember her as a wonderful, helpful person. My heart goes out to her family :( 
#4
A beautiful farewell message. It's clear she will be missed.
11/14/2009 (7:16 am)
I'm very sad to hear this. Condoleances to everyone who knew her. A beautiful farewell message. It's clear she will be missed.
#5
11/14/2009 (7:59 am)
She sure made an impact on all of us in various ways. My condoleances to her family, and friends alike. 
#6
11/14/2009 (9:08 am)
Ashley/Gerri will definately be missed by many people. The earth has lost another of it's greats. 
#8
11/14/2009 (11:15 am)
This saddens me deeply. Ash will be greatly missed. She was an awesome instructor, I certainly learned alot from her. My prayers go out to her and her family. 
#9
11/14/2009 (11:44 am)
Ashtara was our Character modeler for the last 2 years on Fantasci, she was always intuitive and worked hard. I cried last night as well for the loss of such a friend. may all her friends and coworkers remember her as the brilliant and fun woman she was.
#10
11/14/2009 (11:50 am)
Farewell Ash, you have always been a kind and helpful soul. We shall all miss you deeply. 
#11
11/14/2009 (11:56 am)
This was a quite a shock. My heart goes out to family and friends, Ash will be sorely missed. 
#12
My thoughts and prayers go out to her friends and family. Such sad news...
11/14/2009 (12:23 pm)
This was a shock...My thoughts and prayers go out to her friends and family. Such sad news...
#13
11/14/2009 (12:35 pm)
Oh no. I remember Ashtara from MyDreamRPG and the Combat Starter Kit, I didn't know her personally but she seemed determined, committed to getting better and always positive. Go well Gerri, my thoughts are with your friends and family. 
#14
A thought crossed my mind that I should be happy for her. She is in heaven now, her body is whole, her suffering is over, she is with our Lord dancing in His love. But I am sad for me, for the loss of that friendship, for her family and their loss, and I am crying now that I had been so busy myself lately that I wasn't there for her as much, and that I hadn't spent as much time in the MyDreamIRC to share my friendship with her - maybe in her time of need. My grief is for my own regrets, and my loss, and for her family who has certainly lost a treasure. I'm crying now, and may cry again later as well. I will really miss her.
Ashtara was my friend. There aren't many indie women game developers out there, and she and I would message each other sometimes when we experienced frustrations related specifically to being a woman game developer. It's a rare treasure to find someone like her in any walk in life, but especially in the indie game community. Even when she was crazy busy, she always had time to answer my questions about using Milkshape. She was always there for anyone who wanted to learn from her. And she was always there when I needed to rant for a bit, and she would listen. Sometimes she would have good advice for me. Sometimes she wouldn't but she would have a similar story to tell, and that helped too, just knowing she understood. That's what friends do, they share and they listen and they care.
She was only a few years older than me. Her passing was a wakeup call to me. I don't have time to be drowning in work, and away from my kids all the time. I need to make sure my kids get a sufficient portion of every day with Mommy. We don't know how many days we have left on this earth. It might not be as many as we think. I'm still going to work on my game, Visions. And we're still going to press on to get to Public Beta. But I'm not going to kill myself over it. There are people in my life who are more important than the game.
Brad, and family, please accept my sincerest condolences. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Ash was going to be a speaker at the CGDC Winter Retreat last year but canceled at the last minute, promising she would come this year. I am sad that I will never get to meet her in person this side of heaven. But take comfort in knowing that I will see her again someday. Until then, she will be greatly missed.
Peace and blessings to her family and friends.
-Laurene
11/14/2009 (1:25 pm)
I was there shortly after the announcement was made on MyDreamRPG IrC, and I sat there waiting for the "JOKE" punchline. It never came. No one really said anything at first, I think we were all trying to figure out why anyone would play such an awful trick. A couple of us did web searches for a newspaper Obituary that would confirm the news, but we didn't find anything. But the same conclusion we all arrived at was that none of us had seen her in IRC lately, we all had wondered where she was, and had just assumed her new job was keeping her too busy. It was not like Ash to stay away from her friends for so long. And several of us had wondered if anything bad ever happened to our internet friends, how would we find out unless someone logged in to tell us? Like Brad had just done... So it was true. She was gone. It was that point my heart began to cry. When I had to accept that she really is not among us any more.A thought crossed my mind that I should be happy for her. She is in heaven now, her body is whole, her suffering is over, she is with our Lord dancing in His love. But I am sad for me, for the loss of that friendship, for her family and their loss, and I am crying now that I had been so busy myself lately that I wasn't there for her as much, and that I hadn't spent as much time in the MyDreamIRC to share my friendship with her - maybe in her time of need. My grief is for my own regrets, and my loss, and for her family who has certainly lost a treasure. I'm crying now, and may cry again later as well. I will really miss her.
Ashtara was my friend. There aren't many indie women game developers out there, and she and I would message each other sometimes when we experienced frustrations related specifically to being a woman game developer. It's a rare treasure to find someone like her in any walk in life, but especially in the indie game community. Even when she was crazy busy, she always had time to answer my questions about using Milkshape. She was always there for anyone who wanted to learn from her. And she was always there when I needed to rant for a bit, and she would listen. Sometimes she would have good advice for me. Sometimes she wouldn't but she would have a similar story to tell, and that helped too, just knowing she understood. That's what friends do, they share and they listen and they care.
She was only a few years older than me. Her passing was a wakeup call to me. I don't have time to be drowning in work, and away from my kids all the time. I need to make sure my kids get a sufficient portion of every day with Mommy. We don't know how many days we have left on this earth. It might not be as many as we think. I'm still going to work on my game, Visions. And we're still going to press on to get to Public Beta. But I'm not going to kill myself over it. There are people in my life who are more important than the game.
Brad, and family, please accept my sincerest condolences. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Ash was going to be a speaker at the CGDC Winter Retreat last year but canceled at the last minute, promising she would come this year. I am sad that I will never get to meet her in person this side of heaven. But take comfort in knowing that I will see her again someday. Until then, she will be greatly missed.
Peace and blessings to her family and friends.
-Laurene
#15
11/14/2009 (2:57 pm)
My thoughts are with her family, friends, and the community of games developers who knew her. I never really knew Ashtara, but she will live on in your games and the artwork she had created. 
#16
11/14/2009 (6:36 pm)
I'm sorry to hear that Dave. My condolences to her family and friends. 
#17
11/14/2009 (8:34 pm)
My heart goes out to you and your crew, Dave. I didn't know Ashtara but occasionally saw her responding to requests on the CSK forum. Its sad to hear about the passing of someone like Ashtara, people who pure themselves into their work. Sorry for your loss. 
#18
11/14/2009 (10:24 pm)
I really don't know what to say. I never had the chance to know her personally only in postings and email. She will be missed greatly though. 
#19
11/15/2009 (11:24 am)
Wow... That's very sad to hear, my condolences to her family. 
#20
11/15/2009 (2:49 pm)
Dang. I never really knew her beyond forum posts (and of course, her work) over at MyDreamRPG, but this is a shock. I think the community will be poorer for her absence, and our hearts go out to her family and loved ones. 
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